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silky o'sullivan

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yes, yes- we are all very impressed [30 Sep 2004|01:13pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

school started this week. it going to be a challenging semester. I'm very , very glad for that. My sound design teacher is a bit of a pick ( " yes, I attended Julliard's prep school 10 years, got my bachelors in composition from Berkley, my masters at the New England conservatory, and finally, my doctorate in Scotland. blah, blah, blah. blah, blah, blah, I'm a bad ass. be impressed, blah blah blah.") Other than that, I think I'll like all the teachers and the classes. Photography, sound design, aesthetics of interactive multimedia, Myth-Literature-and Film, and finally Bio-Ethics. I've already got 2 books that are almost a 1000 pages long. Not only long, but dense.

yeah, uh, I'm gonna ago read now.

Check out Marshall McLuhan when you get a chance. Essential McLuhan is a good one, as is The media is the Massage. Fascinating shit. Digital prophecy. Waaaay ahead of his time.

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twinkies in my tummy [22 Sep 2004|04:26pm]
[ mood | hungry ]

apparently, atkins has put twinkies out of business. the rat bastards.

http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&ncid=749&e=1&u=/nm/20040922/bs_nm/food_interstate_dc

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hello hello [22 Sep 2004|12:18pm]
[ mood | happy ]

Wow. Long time no write. Years, in fact. 2 years. Just got high speed. Yea! My little digital heart rejoices.

Hmm…Where to start…

Where:

Chicago.

That’s where I hang my belt buckles these days. I’ve been here for a little over a year, I moved for lots of reasons. School. The world is too big to be glued to one spot for too long. I was a bit tired of the Austin scene. Once again, the world is too big.

What:

School.

I’m going to Columbia, studying interactive multimedia. Seems like a pretty good school. Far too expensive, but it’s private and well, in America, I’ve sold my soul to the loan devil many times over. I try not to think about it. I don’t even like to say how much I owe out loud. It seems to make it more concrete. Oblivion is far more comfortable. Tra la la.

Work.

I’ve work at 4 different places in the last year. Ultimately, I actually went back to the computer company I had worked for in Austin. I’m not sure why I did. Desperation. The job scene is pretty scary out here. Maybe I hope that things would be better in a different position… they weren’t, I’m leaving the company for the second time this Friday. My history with this company has been like a bad on again off again relationship with an abusive guy. I know that he’s bad for me but I just can’t seem to leave him because the sex (money) is so good. That’s probably a pretty dramatic interpretation. But it really feels like that. Well, I’m chosen low stress over money. I am leaving my current position doing cartwheels. There is a slight chance that I will continue to work there once a week as a studio instructor. I could live with that. I wouldn’t have to deal with the service side of the computer coin… and I would get burned out. Plus, I could continue to take advantage of the handy dandy discounts.

Who:

Yes, Jason (aka Chicago boy) and I are still together 2 and half years later. My last entries pertained to the very beginning of our relationship. It’s interesting to go back and look at them now. We are still awesome and very happy together. I never knew I could get along so well with someone. (insert cheesy violin) He’s my best friend.

Well, that’s it for now. More later.

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[23 Sep 2002|10:47am]
Happy fall everybody!
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[21 Sep 2002|07:18pm]
today, I feel somewhere between freshly ground meat and tapioca. kind of messy, kind of gooey I have been here 10 hours and my limit for abuse is about to boil over.

people should not let computers ruin their lives.
it's a computer.
it's not a friend, a lover, a confidant.
No matter what you say it doesn't love you back and isn't worth the brain hemorrhage you are giving yourself.

go outside.
go make your baby laugh.
go make love to your wife.

don't let it eat at you, keep you up at night, make your head twitch.

IT'S NOT WORTH IT! let gooooooooooo....

i hate it when my job gets to me like this. it's bleeding over into other areas of my life. I happen to know that "it's not worth it." That "I should let it roll of my back " Yet, sometimes those little phrases are not magic pills and my special "disembodiment tactics" don't work either. i am left being the phone monkey I am paid to be.

I make fake apologies sound real.
I console.
I make you like me and in turn my company.
I make up lies to cover other peoples asses... people I've never seen, met, or even know the name of.

... I am losing the ability to do all of the previously listed job requirements. Perhaps, it's time to look for a new job.

ok, enough bitching. the rest of my life is going really well. I love school, my creative life and my lover. I'm still not smoking. I'm still working out regularly and I've even reorganized ALL of the belongings. it wouldn't even be a stretch to say that I'm (shall I dare to say it ?) organized. respectively speaking, of course...

mmm, 15 more minutes.... then on to saturday night. a drink, a bath and a good hard laugh might do me some good.
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[19 Aug 2002|12:31pm]
day 15- still not smoking. I've wanted to cheat multiple times but have not. good for me. it is getting easier.

camping was absolutely fantastic. Longhorn caverns are the largest and oldest caves in texas. highly recommended. ever since my third grade report on caving I've been terribly fascinated. I think I'm going to plan a spelunking trip to mexico soon. apparently there is this one spot close to the border. you drive up to a gate, tip an ancient Hispanic man a fiver and then he lets you in. I'm going to have to train a little for it. It's gonna involve repelling, swimming, jumping, climbing and crawling through mud. I say, bring it on, baby! I'm ready, gosh dang it! BRING IT ON!
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[12 Aug 2002|01:00pm]
fresh tomatoes are the fucking best!!!
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day 6 [10 Aug 2002|01:05pm]
oh yeah... still not smoking.
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[10 Aug 2002|12:42pm]
[ mood | chipper ]

I feel good... I feel especially good. even though I'm hung over and I have to work 10 hours today on 5 hours of sleep.

I went to dinner with Nick last night. it was surprisingly good to see him, to talk to him. It shook up a lot of skeletons in the closet that I've been ignoring for a few years. It feels like some loose ends got tied up. he's a good guy. he did some bastardly things. I guess most people do when they are 18. he admits his fuck ups and apologized for everyone of them. He's changed a lot, just as I have.

after that I went to a friends b'day gathering at Hot Freaks. yes, that is actually the bar name.... retarded, i know. I went partially out of gross curiosity. It's right above le privilege. It's actually not a bad little dive. cheap drinks and nice seating. i even kind of like the blinking "Hot Freaks" sign for the shear ridiculous flare it adds.

after all the partying i went home and had a good long cry. I needed it. seeing nick really made me look at elements of myself and the past that I tried really hard to forget. my boy was wonderful... he just held me and let me get it all out.

so yeah, today I feel chipper. I feel fresh. I feel like a newly washed apple, colorful, crisp, good. yeah I guess that says it. I feel good.



did you know?:

"Scientists have found emotional tears release chemicals which stress has
accumulated in our bodies.
Biochemist William Frey explains our lacrimal gland which regulates
tear secretion, concentrates manganese, a necessary mineral involved
with our moods, and tears remove this concentrated mineral from our
body. The concentration of manganese is 30 times greater in tears than
in blood serum. Emotional tears contain 24% more protein than irritant
(onion slicing) tears.
All tears contain 3 chemicals released by the body during stress. They
are: 1) leucine-enkephalin -- an endorphin believed to modulate pain
sensation 2) ACTH -- a hormone considered to be the body's most reliable
indicator of stress and 3) prolactin -- the hormone which regulates milk
production in mammals." (stolen off random web site)

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day 3 [07 Aug 2002|05:07pm]
still no smokes
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[06 Aug 2002|06:09pm]
quitting smoking makes me drink water like a fiend! I've have 3 liters today.
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day 2 [06 Aug 2002|03:09pm]
still no smokey smokes.... I'm doing well. it's just a matter of finding something else to do with my time and my hands.
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[05 Aug 2002|12:39pm]
yesterday was my last day to smoke.

quitting is hard. wish me luck. cigarettes are nasty, nasty, nasty.
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[23 Jul 2002|05:58pm]
Registered for school today. I'm excited and a bit anxious. I hope I'm not over doing it.

This fall I will go to work 10 hours a day , 4 days a week.
I will also be going to school 8 hours a day, 2 days a week.
That leaves 1 day off for R & R.

I'll be taking piano, music theory, the history of popular music and metal sculpture.

ever since i saw flashdance, I've always secrectly wanted to weld.

HC will be a busy busy little bunny. NoDoze here I come.
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a cup of piss and no regrets [22 Jul 2002|05:17pm]
[ mood | irritated ]

feeling strange right this instant. kinda pissy/ sad/ stressed.
the song writing class that I wanted is closed because the fucks in the school admin haven't processed my info yet.
I lost my ebay auction on a violin with 10 seconds left to go.
someone ate my yogurt ( that I really wanted) out of the company frig.
huge knots in my back causing head aches ans spasms.
boyfriend having a really bad day/ often sick as of late.
iPod on the fritz.
monday and it's busy, busy, busy.

I guess I just feel blah. life is really good right now though, honestly. I've got an incredible lover who cherishes me in every way and treats me like a queen. he's better to me than anyone ever has been. the last few months with him have been fairy tale-like. it scary, but in a wonderful way. Also, I'm getting pumped about school and my job is not that horrendous. I've done worse, that's for damn sure. I've got so many things to be grateful for. I got a blessed life.... right now though I just want to smoke cigarettes all the way home, exercise and then drink a beer. brilliant combo , eh? my priorities are often conflicted.

quick update since I've barely been posting:
haven't been going out lately. cut down on my intoxicant usage. I've been burrowing my head in lots of books and my boys arms. I've been cleaning more. planning more. exercising more. I stopped biting my nails. I'm thinking of quitting smoking on august 4th (anniversary of dad's death).

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Confucious say [10 Jul 2002|06:38pm]
Passionate kiss like spiderweb, lead to undoing of fly.
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Confucious say [10 Jul 2002|06:36pm]
man with holes in pockets feel cocky all day long.
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[01 Jul 2002|03:25pm]
I saw one of the stangest movies EVER last night.

ALICE
the austrian version of alice in wonderland.
complete with skulls, googley eyes and really jumpy stop motion.

I'm really surprised I didn't have nightmares. it's freeeeeeeeeeaky!
(but a huge part of me loved it!)
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super glued memories [30 Jun 2002|06:50pm]
I found my first sketch book.
it's full of completely ridiculous, nonsense cartoons and designs for my first band's logo, "Forever Pink." The final version was big pink block letters on a beach, complete with a palm tree and a flamingo. RAWK! ( I was only 8, remember.)

I found some plays I wrote when I was 14.
they are funny, embarrassing and very weird. there are a couple of spots that they are surprising lyrical and profound...

I realized that I've always :
had a fascination with puppets and googley eyes
been very sexual (even at a really young age)
tried to design my own clothes
had a similar style of keeping a sketch book/diary
been delighted by the absurd
had a taste for dark humor
been quite weird
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cloudy with a chance of meatballs [26 Jun 2002|05:55pm]
[ mood | curious ]

Hmmm, slightly anxious. I'm going to meet Chicago Boy's parents next weekend, in Arkansas. apparently, there has been quite a bit of a family buzz relating to our relationship. everybody seems to know quite a bit. he talked to his dad last night. His dad said "soooo, son, I hear you have a little lady friend. Hear she's a smoker, too. Sarah told me allllllll about it." I'm a little nervous that they have all also heard about the drunken silliness that took place in N'Orleans. Boy, that would be really a charming first impression. perhaps, they wouldn't even care. from what CB tells me they are an interesting blend, laid back conservatives. I'm looking forward to meeting his mother, especially. she sounds like a fireball of a woman. spicy, saucy and sassy... just like I like em. hopefully, my sarcastically inclined tongue stands up to her own. I look forward to lots of banter and BBQ'ed ribs. I'm also meeting all of his best friends... all of them. I have a feeling that i'm going to be exposed to a side of him I've never seen before.

meeting someone's family has never been a big deal ... but for some reason this time it seems to be. I guess it's because I really want them to like me.... because I really like him. lord that man's sweet. He treats me like a peaches and cream queen.

side note: I need to buy a cheap mixer and a mountain bike.

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